it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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