does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
