idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize