My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can I color on your dick again?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
