The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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