That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
