she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
