i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
