You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
