We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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