So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
