I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
