I think my fart just growled at me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize