Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
