A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize