Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
