Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
