The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
