k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
