i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
