finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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