You're my little dorito
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
