as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
