Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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