Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
