at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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