After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
