I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
