Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
