Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need a beard to bite.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
