ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
