dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
