So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
