Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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