Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize