I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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