Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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