I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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