I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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