If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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