I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
