Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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