This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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