Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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