Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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