if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
