Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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