i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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