Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
