Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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