my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drive I can fine osifer
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
