oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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