Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
