We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
