she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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