I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
