Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
