Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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