Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
