she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
