I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
