Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
