I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
