I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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