Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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