SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
