girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
