According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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