i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
