How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
