There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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